It’s that time of the month again. No, not that time, but the time that House of Cards Season three finally makes it way onto Netflix. Arguably one of the greatest shows since Breaking Bad, this show about power, greed, and politics definitely hits the spot.
Now, I know you were all sitting around thinking how to best combine two great things, drinking and watching House of Cards, so I did you all a solid and created a rather comprehensive set of rules to have fun while watching it so you can drink away all your problems, except your drinking problem.
DISCLAIMER: Please drink responsibly and have a good time… all the time.
1) Drink every time someone sends or receives a text message, then send a text to all your friends telling them they should be partaking in this drinking game with you.
2) Drink every time someone mentions the word power. Bonus if you pronounce, “power” the same way Frank loves to say it.
3) Drink twice every time Frank Underwood breaks the fourth wall and talks directly to the camera. Then talk back to him because if he can do it, then you can too. And he so totally hears you, so don’t worry.
4) Drink if for some reason Frank Underwood makes you think of Carrie Underwood, if for only the name.
5) Drink three times whenever Frank actually does political work instead of just behind-the-scenes manipulation. Then realize that Frank probably does more work than an actual politician.
6) Drink every time Frank takes a drink.
7) Drink (or have a cigarette) every time Frank smokes with his wife. (Do you think Obama still sneaks cigarettes in the Oval Office? Take another drink if you do.)
8) Finish your drink anytime Frank eats at Freddy’s BBQ. Order some BBQ of your own, but know it won’t be any good unless you’re in the south.
9) Drink if you think Frank and Zoe made the best couple ever.
10) Drink if you actually believe the US government is run better than House of Cards’ US government. (Who are we kidding, of course it’s not).
11) Pat yourself on the back and take a shot if you were lucky enough to catch the first few minutes of season three when Netflix accidentally released it early.
11) Drink if you think Kevin Spacey was the best part of Ellen’s Oscar selfie
12) Drink if you use the word “selfie”, but not in irony. (Also, rethink your life).
13) Drink if you think binge drinking is as socially acceptable, if not more so, than Netflix binging. Both lead to depression, so you decide.
14) Drink twice if you’re still thinking about Carrie Underwood. Take a few shots if one of her “hits” is stuck in your head. You’ll quickly thank me.
15) Drink if you remember hanging chads.
16) Drink if you hate the name “Chad.” Drink twice if your name is Chad.
17) Drink if you
18) Drink if
Okay, that devolved quickly, but you get the idea. Like any drinking game, the point it to get drunk and now you have the motivation and drive to get drunk on par with the motivation and drive Frank Underwood had to make it to the top. And if you’re concerned all this drinking will lead to a little gut, it’s the price you pay to have fun. But realistically, be on the lookout for our upcoming article on how to get drunk all the time and still stay fit.